Bob Deffinbaugh Answers the Burning Question
If you have an unbelieving child, can you still be an elder? This question weighs on many elders and potential elders. Yearning for your child to be saved is a heavy enough burden, without the fear that your child’s unbelief disqualifies you.
Bob Deffinbaugh addressed this topic in a recent sermon series, and we’re digging into his answers in a four-part blog series.
The qualification regarding an elder’s children comes from 1 Timothy 3:4-5 and Titus 1:6. Bob’s answer to this week’s question boils down to how to interpret the word pistos in Titus 1:6: does it mean “believer,” as it’s translated in the NASB, or does it mean “faithful” or “trustworthy,” as it’s translated elsewhere?
Here are the conclusions Bob has drawn from an in-depth study of the two passages.
1. Paul wouldn’t hold an immature church to a higher standard than a mature one.
To Timothy—whom Paul is instructing about false teachers and existing elders in the established Ephesian church—Paul requires an elder to be “one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity” (1 Tim. 3:4).
To Titus—who is tasked with appointing first-time elders in the brand new, immature churches in Crete—Paul says an elder’s children must be pistos, which can be translated either “believer” or “faithful.”
If pistos means “believer” in Titus 1:6, Paul’s standard for the elders of the immature churches at Crete would exceed his standard for the mature church at Ephesus—which would be unusual. Looking at both passages, Paul’s point is clear: a man’s home is a proving ground for his ability to manage the church well.
2. Rather than disqualifying an elder, unbelieving children actually give him an opportunity to demonstrate how he would deal with unbelieving and rebellious church members.
Paul instructs both Timothy and Titus to deal with those who have departed from the faith, or whose faith is in question (1 Tim. 1:3–7, 18–20; 4:1; 6:20–21; Titus 1:10-16). So his logic here seems clear: An elder demonstrates his ability to lead (and to correct) the flock by the way he leads and corrects his children.
3. The word pistos, translated “believing” by the NASB in Titus 1:6, is translated “faithful” or “trustworthy” twice as often as it’s translated “believing.”
Paul uses pistos eighteen times in 1 & 2 Thessalonians, 1 & 2 Timothy, and Titus. It clearly means “believer” in six of these, including 1 Timothy 4:10 and 1 Timothy 6:2. But the other twelve times—including twice in Titus—pistos has the much more general meaning, “faithful,” or “trustworthy”: “holding fast the faithful word” (Titus 1:9, NAU) and “this is a trustworthy statement” (Titus 3:8, NAU).
If pistos means “believer” in Titus 1:6, it would be the only instance of such meaning in the book of Titus. But statistically, pistos is twice as likely to mean “trustworthy” or “faithful” in the pastoral epistles and Thessalonians.
Additionally, the newest edition of the New American Standard Bible renders Titus 1:6b, “having children who believe, not accused of indecent behavior or rebellion.” The comma after “believe” indicates that the latter phrase clarifies the term pistos as a faithful or reliable child, who lives under the father’s authority with acceptable and steady behavior.
4. Requiring an elder’s children to be saved contradicts the doctrine of salvation taught throughout the Bible.
Not all the godly people of the Bible had godly children, nor did all ungodly people have ungodly children. “I do not believe you can attribute a child’s belief or unbelief to the father,” Bob said.
The Bible teaches that there are several other factors to take into account, including:
- God’s sovereign choice in salvation, which coexists with the requirement for people to believe in Christ for salvation (John 6:37, 44; Acts 13:48).
- The fact that salvation is a work of the Holy Spirit (John 3:1–8, 16:7–13) and no one can understand divine truth without the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 2:6–16).
- The fact that evangelism is a team endeavor, not a solo one: in Corinth, Paul planted, Apollos watered, and God gave the growth (1 Cor. 3:4–7).
- The fact that God commands us to preach the gospel but never holds us responsible for the hearer’s response (Ezek. 18:20, 33:8–9).
5. Holding a father solely responsible for his children’s belief or unbelief introduces a host of practical problems:
- It would hinder “baby churches,” like Crete. Can you imagine the difficulty of finding elders with all believing children in a small, new church? This would be difficult even in a large, established, church like the one in Ephesus. Perhaps that’s why Paul doesn’t require it in 1 Timothy 3.
- It would disqualify dads from growing families. Must a man step down every time he and his wife are expecting another child? A newborn child can’t consciously believe in Christ for some time. And in a growing family, about the time one child is old enough to believe, another child is on the way.
- It may tempt parents to push children into a premature, and possibly false, profession of faith. “I have re-baptized a number of folks who made an early profession and were baptized, only to doubt the genuineness of their early ‘conversion’ later on,” Bob said. “This is not to say that all early professions are not genuine; it is to say that some are not.”
- It places unrealistic behavioral expectations on an elder’s children. Is a child’s profession of faith sufficient for some church members to accept the father as an elder? Or will they demand more? This kind of situation creates hypocrites.
6. The salvation of one’s children (or anyone else) is not a management matter.
In 1 Timothy 3, the issue is the elder’s ability to manage both his family and the church: “He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?)” (1 Timothy 3:4-5).
If we understand Titus 1:6 in the same way, we must conclude that it is not a child’s belief or unbelief that counts; it’s his ability to manage his family.
In the next three weeks, we’ll look at the difference between managing behavior and changing the heart, how to deal with wayward children, and the implications of Titus 1:6 for parents.