Part Two in Bob Deffinbaugh’s Series on Elders and Fatherhood
Last week, we discussed whether a man can be qualified for eldership if he has unsaved children. Bob Deffinbaugh pointed us to the word pistos in Titus 1:6 and concluded that a better translation than “believer” is “faithful.” In essence, the qualification is more about how a man manages his family than whether or not his children are saved.
That interpretation is consistent with 1 Timothy 3:4–5, which establishes the principle that man’s household is the proving ground for his ability to manage the local church. A child’s belief or unbelief is not the main indicator of the father’s competence in family matters, since he is ultimately not in control of his children’s hearts.
What’s Wrong with Requiring an Elder’s Children to Be Believers?
Bob warns that if an elder’s children are required to be believers, a dad might be tempted to “take control” of his children’s conversion. He might think he can manage his family in such a way as to bring his children to faith. But we know from Scripture (as almost every parent comes to realize) that we can discipline our children but we can’t change their hearts.
Dad, the Police Officer
If you are a police officer, Bob said, you can manage people’s conduct by giving them speeding tickets, taking away their driver’s licenses, or arresting them. But you can’t change their hearts.
Likewise, a father has certain management responsibilities, both with his children and (as an elder) with church members. You can admonish, rebuke, and correct those who are in error or active disobedience. You can even remove them from the church by means of church discipline. But only God can change their hearts.
“I believe this is why the apostles made ‘prayer and the ministry of the Word’ (Acts 6:4) their priority,” Bob said. “A father who attempts to take control of his children’s hearts is headed for trouble, because this is God’s work.”
Bob added that a father can and should deal with bad conduct, but he cannot force a child to have faith. Telling a potential elder that his children must be saved to prove his management abilities only inclines him to try.
Salvation is of the Lord
Bob shared a story that illustrates the Holy Spirit’s role in conversion:
Years ago I was serving in an administrative position in an educational institution. In this capacity I was meeting with a somewhat belligerent student. In the course of the conversation, I shared the gospel with him. Rather than seeking to logically compel him to faith (apologetics?), I took a different approach. I said something like this: “You may wonder if anything I’ve said to you is true. Here’s my challenge to you – try to forget it. If what I said is not true, then that should not be a difficult task. But if the Spirit of God convicts you of sin, righteousness, and judgment (as the Bible says), then you won’t be able to forget it. It will be God working in you, and not me.”
We should make the gospel clear to our children, but bringing them to faith is not a “management” matter, nor is it a task we can try to employ our authority to produce. We must be cautious about using any evangelistic method that seeks to “strong-arm” people into the faith. (Bob calls this “forceps evangelism.”) Evangelism is a team effort, where many people plant and water the seeds, and the Holy Spirit works to bring about the results (1 Cor. 3:5-9).
“Salvation,” as the Bible puts it, “is of the Lord” (Psalm 3:8; Jonah 2:9). We should be faithful to proclaim it, but not in a way that assumes our authority can produce it.
The disciplining of our children does provide a context in which to present the gospel, however. When our children sin, we can explain that their sinful and rebellious conduct comes from a sinful heart, which God can change when we place our trust in the person and work of Jesus on our behalf.
Stay tuned for parts three and four of Bob’s series, where he will share insight on how to deal with wayward children, and the implications of Titus 1:6 for parents.