Valentine’s Day may be just another “Hallmark holiday,” but there’s never a bad time to reflect on how well you are loving your wife:
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
Ephesians 5:25-28
Whether or not you’re planning to celebrate February 14 with a romantic dinner and flowers, here are some practical ways to love your wife every day.
1. Speak her “love language.” In his book The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman identifies five ways people give and receive love: acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch. Make an effort to show her love in her love language, not just yours. You can spend all Saturday cleaning every last speck of dust from the house or fork over $50 on a bouquet of roses, but if her love language is words of affirmation, a handwritten love letter (or even a sincere verbal compliment) will go much further. If you aren’t sure what your love languages are, check out the quiz at 5LoveLanguages.com (it applies to kids and teens too!).
2. Lead your family well. Many wives long for their husbands to be the spiritual leaders in the home, but they do the job by default if their husbands are passive in this area. Leading family devotions, taking responsibility for getting your family to church each week, and directing the discipline and training of your children are all practical ways to lead at home. It’s difficult for a wife to succeed in child rearing if Dad is uninvolved. It’s your job to steer the ship.
3. Pray with her and for her. If you don’t already have this daily habit, start now! This may be the most impactful thing you can do for your wife.
4. Listen to her perspective. God’s instruction for wives to submit to their husbands does not preclude the husbands seeking their wives’ opinions and considering their feelings. The responsibility for making big decisions may ultimately fall to you, but it’s far better to make them together, listening to each other’s perspectives. Your wife may have insight and wisdom that you don’t, and God can use that to inform your decision.
5. Be quick to apologize and forgive. Just as keeping short accounts with God maintains your spiritual fellowship, it’s important not to let offenses linger in your marriage. When arguments arise, ask God to show you if you have any fault, and apologize quickly if you do. Wives can handle marital conflict much more easily when they know they’ll get an apology if they’ve been wronged.
6. Make time for her. Especially if you’re in ministry, quality time can be hard to come by, and even the most supportive wife may occasionally resent her husband’s tight schedule. Set aside some time this week for a date night at home or out. Maintaining intimacy takes time and effort, and marriage is your most important earthly relationship.
7. Ask her how you can be a better husband. And be open to her answer!